What Grinds My Gears?

You know what grinds my gears?

Inside Jokes. Far too often must we all sit in public settings and hear someone shout something unintelligible to the rest of us. It could be a name, place, phrase, or color. Then only a select few people laugh. Guess what? Its not F***ing funny! Youre not funny! Inside Jokes should remain as such, inside. Dont bring that crap to dinner, bars, clubs, or public transportation because it just makes you look like a Jackass. My cohorts and I have inside jokes but guess what douchebag, they remain between us.

Cougars. This is getting out of hand. Ok it is almost every mans fantasy to hook up with an older woman. But there are limits. Generally a 20 year limit. Anything older and your pushing it. Unless of course your on that Pam Grier/Susan Sommers aging plan. The other day I was disgusted by the number of 50+ backsides that I saw in heels and leggins. Cut it out. Your probably a grandmother and im probably not gonna bite (barring any drunken influence). 

Canada. Ive always just had this feeling about Canada. Its like that one friend of a friend that you just dont like and you cant figure out why. Thats you Canada. You just irk me. Pick a national language already, or let Quebec go. And grow some balls. Its embarassing to be neighbors with such a shoddy military power. And for gods sake stop legalizaing everything. Have some respect for yourselves because otherwise your gonna take our entire drug seeking population. And im gonna go ahead and say it, I HATE the way your shaped. What the hell is that about?

Andy Rooney. Naw, just kidding. He rocks!!!!!!!!!

Homewreckers. When I was single you never said a word. Now that Im in a relationship you come and just lay the cookies out on the table. Well I dont want your deceitful cookies. Well I do want them but I got a better brand at home, Skank. Fellas I know you hear me on this one. 

That Guy/That Girl 2010. You see em at every party and every club. That guy/girl that just goes a little too hard on the drink/pill/herb. They get extra sloppy and are known to (a) fuck something up (b) fuck someone (c) fuck up your night. Lemme tell ya. I used to be that guy. But back in my day you could respect that guy/girl. We partied hard and always made it home. We partied so hard people wanted us to come back. Hold your liquor!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!